Foolish Games
by wdmc
Summary: An disillusional Duo turns to "Solo" for comfort and... love.


Warnings: Angst, alternating POVs  
  
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine.  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: 1+2, S+2+S  
  
Song Credits: Foolish Games by Jewel  
  
Thanks: HawkCloud for beta-ing. /hugs/  
  
---1 ------------------------------------------------------  
  
//You took your coat off and stood in the rain  
  
You were always crazy like that  
  
I watched from my window  
  
Always felt I was outside looking in on you//  
  
The sky rumbled as it darkened; the grey clouds pregnant and scent of rain heavy in the air. Clear droplets of rain danced upon the worn rooftop and slithered down the broken windowpanes. The chilly wind stealthily crept into the safe house through the remnants of the plank of wood that had once functioned as a door. Having completed our latest mission, we sought refuge from the storm in the shabby house.  
  
With a downpour like this, the wisest choice was to retreat to the driest corner of the shanty and attempt to seek warmth from whatever little we had on our backs. But those things were not supposed to be done, not before checking that we were in a secure location, our gundams were hidden from view, our guns and ammos were not dampened from the humid air, and that we had enough supplies to last us until the OZ officials gave up on tracking us.  
  
After sending a brief mission report to doctor J and informing him of our whereabouts, I went about our temporary lodge to find something to contain the rainwater that was leaking from the roof. Duo stood by the window wearing his ratty coat, braid tucked snuggly within, with a trancelike expression on his face. I was about to yell at him to break out of his stupor and block out the rain from the windows with the plastic sheets we had when he suddenly ran out from the house.  
  
. and into the pouring rain. He kicked off his boots and let out a burst of laughter, taking off his drenched coat which only weighed him down with the rain. He spread out his arms and spun around in circles as if he was dancing with a partner who was invisible to everyone but himself.  
  
This was the side of Duo that I had never seen, not once during the numerous missions we had participated in. We all knew his many crazy antics, but this was not one of them. The smile on his face was one that I wasn't acquainted with; it gently tugged at the corners of his lips, not one of those grins that he always at flashed me. He looked almost content with his eyes closed and braid whipping around his soaked torso.  
  
Other people would have thought that Duo was insane, but I thought he looked.  
  
.beautiful.  
  
---2 --------------------------------------------------  
  
//You were always the mysterious one  
  
With dark eyes and careless hair  
  
You were fashionably sensitive, but too cool to care  
  
Then you stood in my doorway, with nothing to say  
  
Besides some comment on the weather//  
  
Twirling around barefooted in big puddles of rainwater might not be rational, but the sensation of the cool rainwater sliding down my heated skin was simply too hard to resist. It had been eight long years since my last contact with something that was not artificial, not generated by some weather machine that regulated the rainfall in L2, so meager in its distribution that those who survived on the streets would live in prolonged suffering.  
  
The last time I was bathed in cascades of real rainwater was the time he said goodbye. The scant liquid fell around us as I cradled his lifeless body, as rain fell out of my eyes. It was as if the sky was grieving over my best friend, my only friend. Rain, to us, was something that existed far away in space. Dancing in the rain was an otherworldly luxury, a dream so close, yet so far. The moment he left me behind, it rained, miraculously.  
  
I never. never had the chance to dance in the rain with Solo.  
  
When blessed with rain a second time, it would be foolish not to live the dream with a friend long gone. The years apart did not lessen the pain in my heart, or diminish my memories of his smiling eyes and contagious laughter. I could almost feel his sunny presence as I spun around with my arms spread wide, I did not have to open my eyes to see that he was there with me, if only spiritually.  
  
When I finally opened my eyes, they registered Heero leaning against the flailing doorway; dark hair tousled by the wind, eyes laden with what I thought was disapproval as he looked on me. I could hear the reprimands coming; he was going to holler at me, at how a sick Duo Maxwell would be a liability to the mission, at how. worried he would be if I got ill. What appeared as an enigma to others like Relena were his unreadable facial expressions. It was easy to break through the icy façade and read his thoughts, for I too, hid behind one. This time around, his gaze was aloof, but there was concern laced in it, a gaze that was almost. tender.  
  
"The rain isn't going to stop for a while" was all he said.  
  
---3 ------------------------------------------------------  
  
//These foolish games are tearing me apart  
  
Your thoughtless words are breaking my heart //  
  
As the wind howled, the trees shivered, the windows chattered. The safe house was engulfed by darkness, save for the flickering illumination from the torchlight with an almost flat battery. We gathered at the driest corner, something that used to be a living room, but it wasn't dry for very long. Rainwater dripped from Duo's yard long braid and his sodden clothes left a wet puddle on the wooden floor. I would have scolded him for looking as if he fell into a trench, but thought the better of it when he spaced out with a thoughtful look on his face again.  
  
It had been initially difficult associating "thoughtful" and "Duo", but the more I looked at him, the more those two clicked.  
  
I let my eyes linger on him for a few moments more before realizing that he was shivering in his wet garments. Mentally berating myself for almost letting him catch a chill, I motioned to his duffle bag and told him to change into some dry clothes as I rummaged through my knapsack for a towel. A towel was not enough for his hair alone. Although we were both male, he seemed awkward changing in my presence. With a grunt, I turned my back on him and watched the sky weep.  
  
All of a sudden, the torchlight died out, leaving us in complete darkness. I was about to locate Duo's position in the house when the darken sky was momentarily lit up by lightning and a deafening clap of thunder roared. I found myself an armful of Duo Maxwell clutching to me for dear life. I was taken by surprise a second time: the boy who was not afraid of death was quivering from the sounds of the thunder.  
  
Upper body pressed against mine, his bare skin was cold. I rubbed my palms down his back and arms in an attempt to instigate warmth, to soothe his unsettled state of mind. He laid his head at the junction where my neck and shoulder met. As tension seeped from his torso, I reached for a towel and tried to dry the mass of chestnut hair. As I freed his hair from the black band, I felt his lips move against my shoulder, I heard him whimper: "Solo, please don't let me go."  
  
//You're breaking my heart//  
  
---4 ---------------------------------------------------  
  
//Excuse me; think I've mistaken you for somebody else//  
  
Somebody who gave a damn  
  
Somebody more like myself//  
  
Whenever I was scared, he would envelop me in the security of his arms; it felt as if I always belonged there. Though young, I was not ignorant of almost excessive concern he showered upon me. It was subtle, different from what he had shown the rest of the kids in our gang, and his feelings were reciprocated. While we dreamed about rain, we never learnt the existence of thunder, so, when the earth shook with the sky's roar, I reflexively grabbed Solo and clung to him tight. Only that Solo was now in heaven...  
  
.and I was in Heero's arms.  
  
A quick recount of the events told me that I had mistaken Heero for Solo, and it dawned on me that the former did not seem too happy about that. He roughly pushed me away and stalked to the windowpanes, leaving me gaping at his silhouette against what little light that lit up the room. I felt a burning sensation in my eyes as my vision started to become blurry. My chaotic mind processed his body language and came up with: rejection.  
  
Tilting my head up, I tried so hard to keep the tears that threatened to spill from my eyes. He wasn't Solo, he wasn't Solo.  
  
."You weren't Solo."  
  
------------------------  
  
//Well in case you failed to notice  
  
In case you failed to see//  
  
The cursed name escaped his lips over and over like a mantra, each syllable rubbing salt into my wounds, each word condemning me to the depths of hell. Solo, Heero, they essentially meant the same thing, did they not? Why wasn't it me? Why couldn't Duo let it be me? He must have seen the innocent blood that tainted my hands, smelled the metallic scent that marked me as a sinner. As he repeated the name in frenzy, I felt drained of all my energy, and collapsed from weakened knees.  
  
"Duo! Stop it!"  
  
I tasted salt on my lips for the very first time.  
  
//This is my heart bleeding before you  
  
This is me down on my knees//  
  
---5 --------------------------------------------------  
  
//You'd teach me of honest things  
  
Things that were daring, things that were clean  
  
Things that knew what an honest dollar did mean  
  
So I hid my soiled hands behind my back//  
  
Tears, the epitome of humanity, previously foreign to me, rolled unrestrained down my cheeks, screaming into my face that I had an Achilles' heel, that I was, after all, fallible. The pain that coursed through my body surpassed the extreme physical abuse that I was trained to endure. It wrenched my heart, tore into my soul. It hurt to breathe, to look at Duo, the one so magnificent in my eyes. As I knelt, wretched, before the windowpanes, everything he said ran through my head.  
  
"Hey, I wonder what real peace is..."  
  
In the quest for peace, I often questioned myself what real peace was like. If real peace was just like the "peace" we had had, something so fragile, so vulnerable, why were we fighting for something that made us more susceptible to being hurt by others? "Fighting for peace". How would fighting result in peace? Fighting never ended for me, I fought, day after day after day, the idea of any kind of peace was wearing off me.  
  
When we finally achieve peace, would the fighting and killing stop? Would the bloody images of the little girl and her dog finally cease haunting me in my dreams? Would I purged of all the sins I had committed, if I had said that I did them all for peace? Would Duo ever have eyes only for me?  
  
"I might run and hide, but I never tell a lie."  
  
One of the first things he taught me was to be honest. It had been difficult being honest to others in these times of war, where one could only trust oneself to ensure his survival. But what he didn't teach me was that it was even harder to be honest to myself, to be true to my emotions.  
  
Emotions hampered a soldier's execution of orders, reduced his efficiency, and landed him in great jeopardy; the ways of the soldier were imprinted on my mind. But why did my heart defy the soldier in me and insist to feel for Duo? To make me feel like I would do anything for him? Make me feel that he could crush my soul with one little word that escaped his lovely lips?  
  
I heard him repeat Solo's name again.  
  
.and chose to be in denial.  
  
//Somewhere along the line I must've gone off track with you//  
  
---6 ------------------------------------------------  
  
//You were always brilliant in the morning  
  
Smoking your cigarettes, talking over coffee//  
  
Burying my head between my knees, I looked fixatedly at the wooden floor, dazed by the numerous wet spots that formed an intricate pattern on it. My chest heaved as I struggled to breathe, each breath a loud gasp, each breath a painful reminder that I was still alive. Why did I survive the plague? Why didn't I die along with Solo?  
  
Solo, I missed you so much.  
  
I missed how your short blond hair glinted in the sun, how it got ruffled by the wind. I missed your golden eyes that were filled with concern and shone with hope. I missed your grin as we ran off with the apples from the Alliance's food store. I missed your husky voice whispering my name, your lips on my temple when you roused me from my sleep. I missed your arms holding me tight when I shivered in the cold, and your promise that we would dance for hours in the rain when we got out of L2.  
  
But you never did get out of there, did you?  
  
That was because I buried you in L2 with my bare hands.  
  
----------------  
  
When I lifted my head for fresher air, I saw him kneeling before the rain- streaked windowpanes, clenched fist resting against the wall, body violently shaking as he sobbed. Padding over to the dark figure, I gently placed my hands on his shoulders and turned him around.  
  
.and blinked.  
  
The morose eyes that held my gaze were golden, the tousled hair was blond, the trembling voice that whispered my name was. Solo's. Launching myself into his arms, I kissed the corners of his eyes, his brows and his lips. My Solo was back, enveloping me in his warmth, his scent, his love. I felt a powerful joy blossom in my heart and a content smile dawn on my face as I snuggled closer to him, rubbing my cheek against his shoulder, greedy for his affection. Never had I felt so complete.  
  
"Solo, please don't leave me again. I can't take it. It's horrible having to live without you. I love you, I love you." I whispered in his ear desperately, proclaiming my strong feelings for him, terribly afraid that he would forsake me like he had before.  
  
"I. I love you too."  
  
But I didn't understand why his warm tears descended on my cheeks.  
  
---7 ---------------------------------------------------  
  
It was amazing, how his lips felt against mine. They were so soft, so sweet when he pressed them gently on my own. As I shut my eyes, all I could feel was his lips kissing my closed eyelids, his tongue licking away my tears, his voice easing my misery. Then he kissed me again, open-mouthed and undemanding as he wrapped his arms around my neck, threading his fingers through my hair.  
  
Desperate for Duo's love, I let myself be him.  
  
-----------  
  
I woke up from a fitful dream to Duo's sleeping face. The weak sunlight danced upon his unbound hair, shone on his cheeks, glistened on his lips. His dark eyelashes fluttered as his chest rose and fell with each breath, I had never seen someone so breathtaking. Pressing a light kiss against his brow, I got out of the sleeping bag that we had been. utilizing and put Duo's boxers back on. I picked up my clothes which were strewn around the room and put them on. Casting one last look at his sleeping face, I steeled myself and went to boil some hot water.  
  
-----------------------  
  
Awaking in a loved one's arms had to be the best feeling that I ever had. Except that I woke up from a surreal dream to residual warmth in the sleeping bag. Luxuriating in the remnants of the dream, I hugged the lumpy pillow to myself, willing it to be Solo, the one I missed so much as a sigh escaped my lips.  
  
When Heero set a mug of steaming hot coffee before me, I awoke from my reverie. Sitting up, I winced as my hair was pulled in all the wrong directions. How did my hair get unbound and tangled in countless knots? It must have been that. dream that I had, Solo was kissing and stroking and playing with my hair. amongst other things. My cheeks heated up as I replayed the events of my dream over in my head.  
  
"Ouch! Don't tug at my hair, Heero!"  
  
His eyes held a saddened look, but it vanished as soon as I blinked to take a second look.  
  
"Drink your coffee and get dressed. We'll head out of the safe house to find some firewood."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Hn."  
  
Clutching the warm mug with my hands, I was mesmerized by the brown liquid swirling in the porcelain. I had dreamt of a friend whom I had lost a long time ago. Solo came back to me, chased away the nightmares and eased the pain. I finally told him that I loved him, and we. and we made love. It felt so real; I could feel him holding me, feel his lips on my own.  
  
"Heero, do you think that dreams can be real?"  
  
"Is it possible that Solo comes back to me when it rains?"  
  
"Aa. Perhaps."  
  
//You're breaking my heart//  
  
A week passed by without any orders from J. We had been instructed to lay low for a while, as the OZ officials were still keeping a lookout for us. In the meanwhile, we were to submit analysis of our last mission to J for further instructions and... nothing else to do.  
  
Except that whenever it rained, Duo danced.  
  
And it was time for our foolish games again.  
  
//You took your coat off and stood in the rain  
  
You were always crazy like that//  
  
---The End------------------------------------------ 


End file.
